The Cult of Lincoln

Dear Bush,

You are a moron.

"I wasn't happy when we found out there wasn't weapons......"
The Dred Scott case? You make me want to bash my head against the wall repeatedly.
"Well, it's pretty simple when they say: Are you for a ban on partial birth abortion? Yes or no? And he was given a chance to vote, and he voted no. And that's just the way it is. That's a vote. It came right up. It's clear for everybody to see. And as I said: You can run but you can't hide the reality."? Dude, what did Kerry just say? IT'S NOT BLACK OR WHITE. And hey, federal judges ruled the partial-birth abortion ban unconstitutional.
"You can run, but you can't hide." Are you trying to sound like a cowboy? You're just making yourself look ridiculous. ("Man, Fhqwhgads. You're just making yourself look worse, y'know. I mean, everybody's just gonna feel sorry for you. I mean, I do.")
Hey, I like your new eye tic! And the jaw twitch... is that new?
What did Kerry just say about the embryos used in stem cell research?
"internets" ::snicker::
75% of Al Qaeda? What in the world are you basing that on?
Actually, yeah, you have part ownership of a timber enterprise. Need some wood? Need some brains.
Why yes, Kennedy certainly is a very Liberal senator! Meanwhile, your opponent is John Kerry.
"Battling green eye shades"? What the HECK? Are you speaking English? "Jabberwocky" makes more sense than you.
Jayne: You can't change that just by gettin' all bendy...
Wash: All what?
Jayne: [drifting] You got the light, from the console to keep you, to lift you up... they shine like little angels.
[He topples forward. Hits the floor hard, chin leading. Out like a two ton light. Everyone just blinks.]
Wash: Did he just go crazy and fall asleep?
"Well now, that almost made me want to scowl." OMG, I made a facial expression! "Oooh, pouty! Look at that lip! Gonna get it... Gonna get it!" (Why am I rampantly quoting Joss Whedon?)
Your environmental record is painful to think about. Don't even try to justify it. You are not a "good steward of the land", you are an asshat.
You proposed the hydrogen-powered automobile? Is that anything like inventing the internet? Or internets, if you will?
Dude, you forgot Poland! You remembered again later, but still. BWAHAHAHA.
Is the International Criminal Court a bad thing? Or are you afraid you'd be charged?
Aww, a bill is stuck in the Senate? I'm intrigued as how you can blame Kerry for that, seeing as how that would be the fault of the REPUBLICAN MAJORITY.
"Plus, I want 'em all voting for me!" Did he just say that?
Yelling at the moderator is not good debate etiquette.
Do not talk about your budget. Your budget is laughable.

P.S. Canadians are evil and want to kill us all with poison drugs.

Reasons why Kerry is Beyond Awesome:

"The military's job is to win the war. The president's job is to win the peace."
"I think it is respecting life to reach for that cure. I think it is respecting life to do it in an ethical way."
"We did something that you don't know how to do: we balanced the budget."
How he remembered the questioners' names.
"['Clear Skies' is] one of those Orwellian names you pull out of the sky, slap it onto something, like "No Child Left Behind" but you leave millions of children behind. Here they're leaving the skies and the environment behind. If they just left the Clean Air Act all alone the way it is today, no change, the air would be cleaner that it is if you pass the Clear Skies act. We're going backwards."
Good GRAVY this man knows his stuff. His stats about Missouri's contribution to the Iraq war? Let me quote that: "If Missouri, just given the number of people from Missouri who are in the military over there today, were a country, it would be the third largest country in the coalition, behind Great Britain and the United States. That's not a grand coalition. Ninety percent of the casualties are American. Ninety percent of the costs are coming out of your pockets. I could do a better job. My plan does a better job. And that's why I'll be a better commander in chief." MAN he's good.
Potter Stewart. Teh w00t. "He said the mark of a good judge, good justice, is that when you're reading their decision, their opinion, you can't tell if it's written by a man or woman, a liberal or a conservative, a Muslim, a Jew or a Christian. You just know you're reading a good judicial decision."
And best of all? His response to the woman's question about abortion. That was just beautiful. THANK YOU JOHN KERRY.

SHAZAM. Now take a moment to tell the world how well Kerry did by casting your vote in some of these polls. And here's another amusing summary, if mine got too spiteful.