Me: oh my god, I'm a terrible person.
Me: This person used a slightly-crazed-Linguini-from-Ratatouille icon in a Sweeney Todd context, and my brain just went to a terrible place.
Becky: ... Oh dear.
Me: "Swing your butcher's knife wide, 'Fredo, raise it to the skies..."
Becky: sooo wrong
Me: And now whatserface, the girl, is baking suspicious pies...
Becky: Collette? XD
Me: yes!
Becky: "The Worst Pies In Paris"?
Becky: ... God, we are so AWFUL
Me: yupyup!
Me: I really want to draw this now
Me: Remy with dark eyemakeup, smiling cutely and holding a razor
Becky: ... I dare you to do it. XD
Me: heeeeeee
Me: Okay! Anton Ego, rather than being A Force For Awesome at the end, reveals Linguini's scam and decries them, and Linguini goes to jail for violation of health codes and whatnot. Because he and Remy are still friends, Remy tries to go with him, in hopes that he can sneak Linguini food or grab the guard's keys or whatnot. But Ego snatches Remy away to be his personal cooking slave, because dude, that was some delicious ratatouille.
Me: Linguini languishes in prison for several years (can't be too long, because rats don't live that long), then escapes somehow and makes his way back to Paris, eager to rekindle his love for Collette and rescue Remy.
Me: But Gusteau's is long since replaced, perhaps by one of Skinner's fast food joints. He finds Collette, who has been effectively blacklisted by all great restaurants for her part in the rat scam, and bakes pies for a living. She can't afford proper materials and has lost her love of cooking, but cooking is the only thing she's studied, so she can't really do anything else. Her pies suck.
Me: Meanwhile, Remy had initially resisted Ego and refused to cook for him, but prolonged exposure to unsanitary and uncomfortable living conditions (with brief, tempting snatches of views inside Ego's sumptuous kitchen) broke his will, and he finally conceded to cook for him. He is, after all, a chef at heart. He futilely dreams that perhaps his delicious cooking will soften Ego's cruelty and Ego will speak up on Linguini's behalf and get his prison term shortened. Ego never does.
Me: His life destroyed, Linguini seeks revenge...
Becky: Your brain scares me. ;)
Me: Man, Pixar will never hire me now. :D

Labels: fandom crack, pixar love